I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
