I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
