I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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