I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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