Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
