you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i out mim tonsoeep
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