I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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