after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
