Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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