I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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