hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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