I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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