Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
