He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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