jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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