one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
