I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
