Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
