Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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