You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
