He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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