the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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