Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
