Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
