***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he thought i was a dude.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
