I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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