I wish I only lived at night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
