I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
