Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
