420 ftw
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
