I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
