Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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