My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize