Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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