so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
