Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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