I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i think i just lost a toe
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