I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
