I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
