yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
