omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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