You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize