I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
