I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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