What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Couch. On fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
