God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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