last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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