I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
