also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
