The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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