Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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