It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
