ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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