4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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