my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
