It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
