Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
