So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
