I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
