She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
