Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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