This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
